On Coveting

You shall not covet your neighbor's house, you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or male or female slave, or ox or donkey or anything else that belongs to your neighbor.

- The 10th commandment as found in Exodus 20:17

Covet:

1. To wish for earnestly

2. To desire (what belongs to another) inordinately or culpably.

- Merriam-Webster online dictionary

Covet seems like a sort of old-fashioned word, not often used in common parlance, a word (and perhaps an idea) which has been relegated to ancient texts and traditions. However, it is a word that is very much alive and active perhaps more than ever, in our lives, here and now.

What is the anatomy of coveting? What is it made up of? How does it work? How does it, like a weed, emerge and flourish in our mind and soul? I believe there are a series of steps which often occur imperceptibly and almost simultaneously and are important to dissect out so that we can understand both the process of coveting and how to nip it in the bud.

In James 1:13-16, the author gives a wonderful metaphor for the process of entering such sins. He likens it to the process of conception, birth, and human growth and development, ultimately culminating in death.

So what is this process in terms we can understand? I believe that we have been blessed (and perhaps cursed) with a wonderful ability to notice. As we enter any environment, be it a room, a building, or a forest, the first step we engage is to scan and notice. We take in our environment in a moment, our cerebral computers rapidly processing and noticing sensory input - what we see, hear, smell, and touch. This occurs, for the most part, at a subconscious level, as we "take in" what is before us.

Initially this noticing is neutral. However, the next step is that we begin to make meaning of the environment. Is there danger? Is there beauty? What is that smell? Do I like this room? All sorts of thoughts and opinions begin to emerge. We engage in a rapid-fire assessment and categorization of where we are and what we are experiencing.

The next step on the highway to covetousness, and a branch of this meaning making, is comparison. As we take in what lies before us, we not only have an opinion about it, but start to compare it to what is ours. Based on the 10th commandment, the ancients were concerned with, amongst other things, their neighbor's slaves, donkeys, and oxen. These are probably not of the utmost concern to most of us today. However, it also mentions one's neighbor's house and wife. Perhaps we can relate more to these. As we compare and contrast our world (our house and wife) with that of our neighbor's, this can go one of two ways. If we judge, in the comparison we make, that we are better off than our neighbor, this can often lead to pride. If, on the other hand, we judge that he or she is better off than us, this can potentially lead down the path toward coveting.

If we allow this fledgling thought to take root, like a plant, it will grow and blossom. Like a weed it will infiltrate and invade, taking over the garden, pushing out other more desirable, beautiful, and fruitful plants. It can become an obsession, an ill-conceived map, guiding our activity and behavior, pointing us in the direction that we don't want to go, disrupting life and leading ultimately to death.

Perhaps you think that I'm overstating the case. However, consider what impact advertisements, or home improvement shows, or fashion catwalks, or Facebook, or any number of other things we are inundated with, have on our life's direction. How does the desire to have that new kitchen or that latest iPhone or that buff body, which all started with this noticing-meaning making-comparison-coveting complex, affect our behavior, the way we spend our time, energy, and money?

How can we disengage from this deadly, destructive path? How can we decouple the noticing from the comparing and coveting? After all, we cannot stop noticing. We cannot stop making meaning. Even comparison can be a somewhat spontaneous, neutral, harmless process. But how can we avoid going from there to engaging in and being consumed by coveting? In the words of the apostle Paul: "wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24).

I believe that the secret to avoiding coveting is contentment. In another of Paul's writings, he asserts: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:12-13). So I wonder, how do we develop this contentment? It sounds wonderful, freeing, yet somehow unattainable. How do we allow and encourage contentment rather than coveting to flourish in our lives?

I notice that Paul says that he has learned the secret of being content in any and every situation. I think the word "in" is significant here. He doesn’t say he is content about any and all situations. It seems to me that Paul's "secret" is that his contentment is supra-circumstantial. It rises above and beyond his situation. It is present and persists whether he is satiated or hungry, rich or poor. How can this be? It seems that his contentment is not sourced in his possessions, his place, or his prestige but is located in his relationship with God. He says: "I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

The Bible continually points us toward this different reality, a different kingdom, a different path — a path oriented toward the eternal rather than the temporal (Colossians 3:2), to the kingdom of God rather than material possessions (Matthew 6:33), to fleeing from the love of money and turning to the pursuit of righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness (1 Timothy 6:10-11). It points us toward a life without lack (Psalm 23:1), toward the one thing that is important (Luke 10:38-42, Psalm 27:4) — sitting at Jesus’s feet, living in the house of the Lord. In other words, basking in his presence.

And I think that most of us know in the depths of our being, that the important things in life are relationship rather than riches. That intangibles and transcendentals trump treasures. That love of God and love of others is the highest pursuit.

And so, how can we help ourselves not become ensnared by the coveting trap? I want to offer a simple suggestion. When we find ourselves beginning to engage in noticing and comparing (“their house is bigger, better or brighter,” “she has a nicer wardrobe or less wrinkles,” “they have better vacation packages or a more interesting life”), and we start not only noticing and comparing but also begin to yearn for something that is not ours and start leaning into discontent with what is, we need to stop. That is the first step — just stop! In that moment we need to recognize the path we are going down and back up a step, back to the noticing and comparing. Go ahead and notice what is better than what you have but, rather than going down the covet trail, choose to pray a prayer of thanksgiving for the blessing that has come to your neighbor (“rejoice with those who rejoice” Romans 12:15). “God, look at this amazing house! Thank you that you have blessed Sam and Sally so richly!” And then, take a few deep breaths and pray a prayer of thanksgiving for what you have, settling into the quiet, still, restful state of contentment.

I believe this is a practice that we can work on. I believe that new neural pathways in our brains can be laid down — pathways of contentment rather than covetousness. I believe that, with time, these will become the default pathways, the ruts in the road as it were, that will free us up for love and relationship rather than an endless pursuit of the more, for transformed character rather than endless concern about what we have or what others think.