Prayer as Joining God on the Porch

When I was growing up in the evangelical church, prayer was primarily seen as petition. “I’ll pray for you” was a common reassuring and convenient closing demarcation to a conversation where a struggle or difficulty was shared. When, in youth Bible study, one was asked “how is your prayer life?” my thoughts immediately went to “how much time am I spending making my requests known to God? ”

There were of course times when we received teaching about other aspects of prayer. I remember as a teenager learning the ACTS model of prayer which was a useful reminder to consider and cover the other aspects of prayer - adoration, confession, and thanksgiving, in addition to supplication. Despite this, supplication always seemed to me to be the “meat” of prayer with the other aspects being somewhat optional appetizer or dessert.

In later years we heard about listening prayer, where the idea that prayer as conversation was emphasized. We not only speak with God, but we listen for his response. While this idea was appealing, I never found it particularly helpful or fulfilling in its practice. This two-way conversation always felt like more of a monologue, where words uttered seemed to hit the proverbial ceiling.

I would read Paul’s imperative in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 to “pray without ceasing,” and would end up feeling spiritually inadequate considering this apparently insurmountable task. How could one do this and be any practical use in carrying on the normal activities of life?

The end result of all this history with and training in prayer, was a vague sense of inadequacy, of not being enough, not quite meeting expectations, of being in a continual state of not being up to the task. While I recognized that, in light of God’s love and grace, these feelings likely found their source in self-imposed guilt, I knew that my prayer life was anemic and needed a transfusion. What I was experiencing felt like a disconnected duty rather than something real and relational.

To get out of this prayer-as-petition, prayer-as-words mindset (which is not unique to the evangelical Christian but is a common understanding of prayer), let me offer a story and an image which may be helpful.

When I was recently meeting with a directee in my spiritual direction practice, the topic came up of her heartfelt sadness, grief and longing regarding her brother who, a short time ago, had left the faith. After exploring at a deeper level my directee’s feelings for her brother which included her grief along with uncertainty concerning how to even pray for him, as well as a lack of faith that prayer would make any difference, I posed the following question: “When you imagine God’s gaze on your brother, what do you see in His eyes?” After a moment of silence, my directee responded, “I believe that God is sad, but he is not worried. After all, he knows the future.” “And what do you sense of God’s longing?” I said. We both sat in silence for a while, waiting on the Holy Spirit to enlighten us regarding the Divine heart. “I suppose he longs for reconciliation of the relationship,” my directed replied.

A very strong image had come to me during the silence, and I tentatively shared it with her. “In the silence the story of the prodigal son came up for me. I felt a strong connection with the father of the prodigal son. As Jesus tells the story, it seems that the father was, day after day, waiting, watching, and longing for the return of his wandering son. I felt a strong connection with the longing of the father for this return of his son, for the reunion and embrace, for the celebration of relationship restored. It brought me to tears. In my mind’s eye, as I watched the father sitting on the porch day after day, I felt an invitation to join him there, to watch and wait and long together with the father. I wonder if that is what prayer in this situation could look like - joining God on the porch.”

The countenance of my directee changed before my eyes with this image. It was as if a light had gone on and her imagination for prayer had wonderfully expanded. She began riffing on this image. “That’s such a wonderful image! It’s as if we are praying with God rather than to God. It is amazing what difference a single word can make. It changes the whole tone and texture.” She paused to think some more. “You know, I’ve had this image of God as being way up there. When I come before him in prayer, I sometimes feel like I’m a lawyer coming before a judge, having to plead my case, having to beg, plead and prod in order to change his mind. At other times it feels like God is looking away and I have to keep after him to get him to pay attention to what I’m concerned about, then I have to verbally twist his arm to get him to take any action. This idea, however, of simply joining God on the porch is so refreshing! He’s already there and is concerned, maybe even more concerned than I am about the situation. I’m joining God and sitting beside him in his longing. In some weird way, it’s even helpful to have this image of a physical location - a place to join him.”

We then talked about Romans 8, where Paul writes about the idea that there is something wrong in the world needing restoration. We all have this sense, sometimes in multiple areas of our lives, and it is often what drives us to prayer. Paul tells us that there is a lot of groaning going on. Creation itself is groaning, we’re groaning, and the Holy Spirit within us is groaning. “ Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs (groans) too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” (Romans 8:26-27)

At the risk of introducing further images , I wonder if there is a wonderful dance occurring between God and us, between the Holy Spirit within and our spirits. I wonder if there is this tender relational exchange, a spiritual ebb and flow, where some of the emotions we are feeling (in this case grief, sadness, and longing) have been downloaded into our souls by the Holy Spirit and she is groaning within and we’re joining her in her groans. What if even the desire to pray for a situation has been a seedling planted by the Spirit, an invitation to join her and the father on the porch, to pray with them.

Ruth Haley Barton puts it like this: “I realize now that intercessory prayer is not primarily about thinking that I know what someone else needs and trying to wrestle it from God. Rather, it is being present to God on another’s behalf, listening for the prayer of the Holy Spirit that is already being prayed for that person before the throne of grace, and being willing to join God in that prayer.” (p 146 Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership).

Maybe this joining God in prayer could even be prayer without words. Maybe at times it is appropriate to simply join God on the porch and groan together, spending time emoting in his presence. We don’t need to convince him of anything. He is already there, sometimes with tears in his eyes. One of the shortest and most poignant verses in the Bible is John 11: 35 when Jesus is at the tomb of his friend Lazarus. In two simple words we hear the heart of God: “Jesus wept.”

Along with not having to convince him to show up and to be concerned, we also don’t need to tell him what to do. Sometimes I feel a compulsion to give God ideas, or a plan of action. In the case of my directee’s brother, I might say something like “God, please bring people into his life that could share your love. God, please allow him to go to an Alpha course. God, please use his struggles at work to turn his eyes towards you.” While there is nothing wrong with this type of prayer, the reality is that God is God and we’re not. God has been in the business for millennia of blessing people in his time and in his unique and sometimes surprising way. I am learning that there are moments where we simply sit and join God, sometimes without words, sometimes with the quiet recognition that he’s got this, or with a simple prayer asking God to bless the other (whatever his blessing may look like), a deep surrender to his will and his ways.

This idea of praying with God completely changes the prayer dynamic. Further implication of this is how Barton deals with requests for prayer. “If someone asks me to pray for them, I promised them that I will do so as God brings them to mind, which leaves the responsibility in God’s hands, not mine.” This is an acknowledgment of the wonderful reality of the prayer dance where God’s longings become ours, he brings them to mind in his timing, and we offer them back up, both to him and with him.

Questions:

1. How have you viewed prayer – as praying to God or with God? What do you see as the difference?

2. Is the image of joining God on the porch helpful for you? If so, in what way?

3. Do you see prayer mostly as a duty or an invitation? How do the thoughts in this blog help prayer to be more invitational?

Reflection:

Take some time to sit with God on the porch. Take several minutes to simply settle in, imagine yourself sitting beside him.

Now, what is the top item on your prayer list (maybe that thing that your mind goes to when you have time to worry or grieve)? Spend some time with this item highlighted on the page of your prayer request journal open before you and God.

Now, put your hand on his chest and feel his heartbeat, gaze into his eyes. What do you sense? What is God feeling about this situation that you have been praying about? Don’t rush it, spend some time feeling what he is feeling.

Now, what is coming up for you in how you are feeling about this situation? What emotions arise? Using as few words as possible, sit beside God simply emoting, feeling what you’re feeling about the situation and allowing those feelings and God’s feelings to wash over you and Him as you sit together on the porch.

Finish your time with him simply sitting in his presence and his embrace.